November 21, 2013

Pauly G's Hateful Week 12 Power Rankings

The Texans fell again. Have they hit the bottom rung of the rankings? Check them out after the jump.

Paul Totally Didn't Predict Them To Miss Playoffs
1.) Seattle Seahawks (10-1, LW: 2)

Never happened.

Enjoy It While You're Still Here
2.) Denver Broncos (9-1, LW: 3)

Because they're losing Sunday.

Thank God Old Drew Nearly Had His Head Pulled Off
3.) New Orleans Saints (8-2, LW: 4)

Otherwise...they'd have probably lost to the 'Niners.

Cam Juice
4.) Carolina Panthers (7-3, LW: 5)

Cam's really freaking good. Mostly.

So That's Why Alex Smith Has Such A Good Record...
5.) Kansas City Chiefs (9-1, LW: 1)

The teams he played can't score. Duh.

Son Of A Bitch
6.) New England Patriots (7-3, LW: 6)

Everyone's mad at the refs. When they all should be angry that Steven Ridley fumbled for the 200,000th time.

7.) Indianapolis Colts (7-3, LW: 8)
8.) Cincinnati Bengals (7-4, LW: 12)

They're good. But no one sees them beating New England or Denver.

9.) Philadelphia Eagles (6-5, LW: 10)
10.) San Francisco 49ers (6-4, LW: 9)
11.) Chicago Bears (6-4, LW: 11)
12.) Detroit Lions (6-4, LW: 7)

One of these teams will be on an absolute tear at the end of the year. And based off of what we've seen in the playoffs the last few years, maybe one makes a Super Bowl run.

Are NOT Who I Thought They Were
13.) Arizona Cardinals (6-4, LW: 16)

They're much better...even though Carson Palmer is allowed to play QB.

'Stayin Alive
14.) Green Bay Packers (5-5, LW: 13)
15.) Dallas Cowboys (5-5, LW: 14)

Every time I watch that video, I can't believe THAT is what the Bee Gees look like.

Every time I watch the Packers, I can't believe that Scott Tolzien has a job.

Every time I watch the Cowboys, I can't believe that Jason Garrett has one either. And will apparently keep it next year.

16.) New York Giants (4-6, LW: 22)
17.) Pittsburgh Steelers (4-6, LW: 26)
18.) Baltimore Ravens (4-6, LW: 17)

They. Just. Won't. Die.

Thought Ed Reed Could Be A Difference Maker
19.) New York Jets (5-5, LW: 15)

At One Point Thought Incognito Was NOT An A-Hole
20.) St. Louis Rams (4-6, LW: 18)
21.) Miami Dolphins (5-5, LW: 27)

No One Cares
22.) San Diego Chargers (4-6, LW: 20)
23.) Cleveland Browns (4-6, LW: 19)
24.) Oakland Raiders (4-6, LW: 23)
25.) Tennessee Titans (4-6, LW: 21)

...Except their mothers.

26.) Buffalo Bills (3-7, LW: 25)

They might be 3-7, but I can get behind Doug Marrone winning that many, especially after being forced to use three different inexperienced QBs.

RG3...Kind of a Douche
27.) Washington Redskins (3-7, LW: 24)

Your offensive play calling is predictable? Yeah...because you can't hit the broad side of a barn bro.

Wham! Bam! What The %#*$ just happened?
28.) Tampa Bay Buccanneers (2-8, LW: 32)

The play above? Basically the Bucs season up until the last two weeks. Those last two weeks...WHERE THEY'VE WON? Definitely worthy of that announcer's reaction.

Kill Us
29.) Atlanta Falcons (2-8, LW: 28)
30.) Minnesota Vikings (2-8, LW: 29)

Yeah...they're actually not going to be alright. #FireEveryoneCity

Toilet Bowl 48: Part 1
31.) Houston Texans (2-8, LW: 30)
1,923.) Jacksonville Jaguars (1-8, LW: 31)

The worst part about this dumpster-fire? The fact we'll be seeing it again 10 days later.

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