August 25, 2013

Game Day Diaries: Texans 24 - Dolphins 17


Extremely busy week. Thus an extremely late, half-assed, one half game day diary. Calm down. It's the pre-season.

7:01 – Part of me was glad to watch a Texans game in the press box. But it ain't a party without Joel Meyers fact errors and Spencer Tillman cliches.

Hot Tillman Take Alert! "DeAndre Hopkins will extend Andre Johnson's career by a year. Or two." Thanks Chief.

7:09 – Weak armed throw by Schaub? Interception? Dead Silence? Sound like its time to rev up the Irrational-Overhatred-of-Matt-Schaub-Mobile!

7:12 – Antonio Smith with a sack. In terms of originality...where does the ninja sword sack dance rank? I'm too lazy to actually put a list together, but it's one of my faves along with...

- The Joey Porter Leg Kick
- The Shawne Merriman Steroid Stomp
- The Jared Allen Hogtie
- ...and now I'm bored

7:13Speaking of steroids Hey Brian Cushing's back! Sweet tackle for a loss bro.

7:21 – HA. A guy named BUMPHIS.

7:24 – The referee in this game lacks a Southern accent. Question...can we trust him? Referees and Airline pilots aren't allowed to speak like functional human beings. Answer...NO.

7:33 – Watching Matt Schaub throw a duck pass is kind of like watching the end of Con Air.



Horrifying...yet hilarious at the same time.

7:42 – Cushing looks good. He missed a sack on Tannehill...but look liked a rabid chupucabra in doing so. Always like to see that

7:46 – The Texans randomly play cover 4 in the red zone and give up a touchdown. This after J-Jo was burnt several times in rapid succession by Mike Wallace.

Meanwhile, Spencer Tillman continues to steal the show, this time making up play names to describe the TD. "Teacup Z Sprout." uhh ok Bro...

8:02 – The Eddie Pleasant Fan Club is growing flacid. He's had 3 special team penalties in 2 games, and now has a sprained knee. Yikes.

8:03 – DJ Karim drops a wide open toss. Per Spencer Tillman, that's what we in the business call a "NFL Caliber Challenge"

8:05 – HOLY SHIT…THE TEXANS ARE GOING FOR IT ON FOURTH. MIND BLOWN.

...oh wait...they just called a time out. SYKE.

8:10 – DOUBLE HOLY SHIT…KEENUM WITH TD BOMB ON 4th AND 1. KEENUM 4 PREZZZZZ BRO.

8:14 – D.J. Swearinger just ended Dustin Kellers life. I just ended this blog.
8:15 - Oh wait... 
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