August 27, 2012

Game Day Diary 3: Saints 34 Texans 27

So Saturday night, I had to cover Roger Clemens' return to baseball with the Sugarland Skeeters. For 3 and 1/3 innings? Fun. After that? Holy shit it was awful.

This game diary was done with a DVR. No times. No specific plays. And since I'm second half. Enjoy the roller-coaster!

1: I'm legitimately excited that I won't have to deal with the shitpile that is Joel Myers and Spencer Tillman. Replacing their vocals with commentary from the most menopausal season of Sex in the City, a Nickelback CD, or Gilbert Gottfried standup routine = upgrade. Luckily we're nearly done with them.

2: To make things better? No Jim Nantz. Which I'm sure will piss off my cultist-Coogs readers. Don't take it personally, there are plenty of 'Cuse guys who annoy me too. For example...Bob Costas. Yes are talented. You are much more successful than I ever will be. But if I hear one more fucking holier-than-thou "monologue" at halftime of a football game, I'm going to be very angry. So angry...that I'll write a blog explaining how angry I am.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah...Nantz. Look. Nantz is kind of a stiff doing play by play. And he likes to use cliches. A lot. In his defense, they aren't fucking retarded like that of Spencer Tillman. But they're there. And you notice.

Maybe it's just me, but I prefer radio play-by-play for football. Sure they're all homers. But homers get excited. And when I watch a game, I like to hear an announcer express the same emotions I feel.

3: We'll get to the game soon enough. Sorry.

CBS is the old folks network. Case in point? Leslie Visser. Her resume as a sports reporter shits on that of every other woman in her field. Check it out. And she's still looking great for someone approaching 60. But the problem? She's approaching 60. And nowadays, sideline reporters on telecasts do little other than reporting injury updates and coordinating an awkward interview with coaches before half-time. The way things are now, it's a waste of time and talent. So you may as well trot out some sexy little airhead to do the job. That seems to be the way they do things now a days. I want a hottie damnit.

Still...better her than Armen Keteyian.

Ok...announcing rants done.

4: The Texans look pretty good offensively on the first drive. They play aggressive, opening up the game with a lot of play action and rollouts. Schaub looked in his comfort zone, and when they did go to the ground, Brandon Tate was effective. A third down pass interference by the Saints bailed Houston out on third down. But that's really the only negative you could see. Garrett Graham was the best of the bunch, with a reception that set the Texans up inside the N'Orleans 10. The Texans capped it off with a Ben Tate TD. FINALLY, a TD by the first-teamers AGAINST OTHER first-teamers.

5: Saints get the ball...but not for long. We'll get to that soon...

I was really curious to see how the Texans secondary would look against Drew Brees. Brees bombed one an incompletion downfield to Devery Henderson. Kareem Jackson, our favorite potential "achilles heel" was with him step for step. And, he had good positioning between Henderson and the ball. But a concern? He never turned around to find the football. Not an issue here, but it was a little later.

Anyways, Chris Ivory converted the first down on third and short with a nice run up the middle. But he gets tripped up and loses the ball, courtesy of Glover Quin's helmet. Texans ball.

6: The Texans continue the play fakes and bootlegs. And it continues to work. Positives and negatives on this drive.

The Good: The young wide-outs. Schaub hits Martin for a touchdown. And Lestar Jean had an awesome fucking catch, stealing it away from two Saint defenders.

The Bad: Derek Newton struggled on this drive. First, he gets blown off the ball on an Arian Foster carry, and despite holding his guy, lets his man get a tackle for a loss. Then, on the Martin touchdown pass, Schaub was seconds away from being sacked. Courtesy of? Derek Newton. Touchdown...whatever. Everything going right for the Texans at this point. Inspiring this tweet.


7: Saints get the ball. And the Saints get in gear.

For the second straight week, the Texans struggle against the run. But that's least right now. No JJ Watt. No Shaun Cody. No Sunny Harris. No Brian Cushing. No problem. least right now.

Kareem Jackson? That's another story. Brees starts to pick on him. First he gets beat on a slant to Devery Henderson. Next, Marques Colston slips by Kareem over the middle. And for the cherry on top, Brees lobs a touchdown to Lance Moore, who beat Jackson in 101 coverage despite interference from number 25. The problem on all three plays? Jackson had his eyes on the receiver all three times. Never on the ball. If he wants to avoid getting picked on, he needs to gamble and make a play to scare QBs off.


YOU-COULD-GET-CUT moment for Trindon Holliday. You can't fumble the ball out there bro. And it looks 10 x worse that fumble is returned for a TD. Two TDs in 9 seconds.

Then...Keshawn Martin fumbles on screen pass. Saints recover. Tackling has gotten worse in the last few years in this league, but so has carrying the football. 4 point of contacts kiddos. Palm, wrist, inside of elbow, and body. Come on kids.

But this wasn't the only time. Martin fumbled again in the first half, the next time coming on a reverse. For a guy that wanted

9: Jimmy Graham is a god damn monster. So why the fuck are the Texans leaving him unaccounted for in man coverage, or letting Bradie James cover him man on man? I get that a guy with that kind of athleticism is nearly impossible to match up against. But at least try to slow him down...Maim him or something...

Honestly, I have no desire to watch the second half on DVR. Scrub duty. I'll have to deal with enough of that Thursday. SEE YA.

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