July 29, 2011

Oops...they did it again CUE THE MUSIC

And you thought I wasn't going to gloat about the Pats. Sorry. I was too busy celebrating their Super Bowl victory off-season of rip-off trades. Champagne is a hell of a drug.

Time to get back to reality. For my takes on the newest Patriots and how they arrived in Foxboro, go past the jump.

Albert Haynesworth: Acquired for 2013 5th Rounder

If you've followed me in the past, you know my opinion of Haynesworth (probably better are the opinions of my pal Jason Krakower right here, and then here) . He is an overpaid, fat, lazy, and dirty player. I'm FAR from a fan. Two plays come to mind when I think about the guy.

Despicable and Pathetic.

But now he's MY overpaid, fat, lazy, and dirty player.

I love Big Balls Bill rolling the dice here. He did a great job with the Corey Dillon & Randy Moss Reclamation Projects. But I still find it hard to believe that the hooded one can turn Fat Albert into a dependable teammate.

Dillon was unhappy in Cincy, yet still never quit on the Bungles. Randy pretty much did give up in Oakland (and would on the Vikings and Titans JUST LAST YEAR). Somehow (and only temporarily) he turned his act around for the Pats.

Haynesworth is a very different beast. Sure he was Defensive Player of the Year just two years ago. But to see a guy with a mile long criminal track record who can be VERY lazy and apathetic join the Patriots is major head-scratcher to me.

If this move works out, and we see Albert return to 2009 DPOTY form, you can chalk it up as yet another major steal by Bill and the Pats. They got him for nothing. And they'll pay him next to nothing (reportedly only $5 Million). But I find it hard to believe that this guy will stroll into camp, accept his role on a winning team, and buy into the Patriots defense in whatever role B.B. decides. And that's assuming he even passes his physical, something he was completely incapable of doing last season. I'm not sure I see either happening. We shall see.


It's only that high because of the cheapness of acquiring and paying Fat Albert. Dude is still a club cancer with a bazillion on and off the field issues. But if the guy buys into the Pats system (playing for a team that isn't terrible like Washington has to be an incentive...right?) and comes anywhere close to '09 form, the Patriots could have the NFL's biggest and baddest 3-4 front (even with today's release of Ty Warren).

B.B. has turned careers around before. This will be his toughest task ever.

Chad Ochocinco: Acquired for 2012 5th, 2013 6th

As a former prima-donna wide receiver (high school) I've always loved showboat wide outs. Keyshawn Johnson, Randy Moss, hell...even Terrell Owens before I figured out he was a total jackass. But the Ochocinco (Keyshawns cousin btw)? He trumps them all.

A lot of people don't like Chad. "Attention-whore" is the common complaint. They don't like the celebrations. Old schoolers will tell you "Back in my day we wouldn't dare spike the ball...we'd only celebrate the fact we could play football for 2 nickels a game." They'd also say "I don't understand this whole twitter contraption...but Chad should quit tweeting and get himself a job" and "I can't find my cat." To these people, he's a problem child, and everything that's wrong with the NFL.

But the haters need to shut up and get their facts straight. The dude may have a flair for the dramatic (and the dance). But he's a guy who loves the game and does it all in fun. Yeah that sentence was more lame and cliche than an underdog team winning in the last minutes of a sports movie after a huge training montage and big speech. Gross. But all who've seen the guy play...you know what I'm talking about.

Naturally I was pumped when the Pats traded for Brochocinco. And not gonna lie. I actually saw this coming. Belichick and Chad have quite the bromance.

Want more? Check this out.

Weird combo right?


This is a fantastic trade for the Pats. The Patriots get a much needed vertical threat. Though he isn't quite as talented as Randy Moss, Ochocinco will give Brady a legitimate WR who isn't 4'2 and can stretch the field. You could tell Chad was getting sick of a terrible coach (Marv Lewis, who headlines the 2011 list of shittastic NFL coaches who by some act of god still have a job), a mediocre QB (Carson Palmer), and an all around terrible organization in Cincy. A fresh start in New England with a coach he respects and Tom Brady (only the league's best quarterback) is exactly what he needs.

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