April 28, 2011

NFL "Mock" Mock Draft Part 3


Part 1?
Done. Part 2? Finished. Time to wrap this all up with Part 3.


22.) Indianapolis Colts
Ed Hochuli - Referee/Part Time Lawyer

Colts President and Competition Committee member Bill Polian hates rules...that hurt his team. Whether bitching about them, changing them, or bitching some more, Polian is without a doubt the most sore loser in the entire NFL. That's why drafting a referee makes perfect sense for the Ponies. Hochuli would referee at every game, and always consult with Bill Polian before making every call. Maybe this way the Colts can finally have an undefeated regular season without choking at the end!

And if that doesn't work? Sue the NFL to change the rules. Ed Hochuli...esquire!

23.) Philadelphia Eagles


Anything but a RB - Probably from the Arena Football League

Serious question. Have the Eagles run the football...ever...in the Andy Reid era? Screw it. Draft some more fast undersized wideouts and ask questions later.

24.) New Orleans Saints


Charlie Tweeder - WR - Somewhere in Texas

New Orleans likes to party. Tweeder likes to party/steal police cars. NEXT.

25.) Seattle Seahawks

Doogie Howser - M.D.


Has the entire Seahawk roster been on injured reserve in the past year? The answer is yes...pretty much. The Hawks needs a frigging doctor so all its china dolls can stay healthy for more than 1 game. Doogie may only be 16, but his youth will allow the Seahawks to keep him for a longggg long time.


26.) Baltimore Ravens


Anyone still on Miami who was in this fight - Any Position - The U

Ray Lewis. No further comment.

And this.


27.) Atlanta Falcons


Has anyone ever been more undeserving of his nickname? Matty "Ice". Apparently he's ice cold under pressure. Yeah bro, you're 0-2 in the playoffs with one loss against the worst Super Bowl team ever (Arizona Cardinals) and another at home against a team with 20 injuries. Clearly Ryan is a bust at this point, so it's time to draft a real winner. That's why you got to take Paul "Wrecking" Crewe. Sure the man has character issues (point shaving), but at least he led a rag tag team of convicts back from 35-13 against prison guards. Matty "Ice"? Please.

28.) New England Patriots

BREAKING NEWS. The New England Patriots have traded the 28th overall pick to Oakland for EVERY SINGLE FUTURE OAKLAND DRAFT PICK.

28.) Oakland Raiders

Brooks Reed - DE - Arizona

Oakland loves to trade up for overrated workout warriors who were originally projected as mid round picks. Sounds smart huh...Reed had the fastest 10 yard split of pretty much ANYONE, ran a 4.65 40, and knows how to run straight up field every single play like every single other one dimensional 3-4 OLB.

29.) Chicago Bears


Billy Bob - OL - Somewhere in Texas

Fat person. Chicago. Match made in HEAVEN.

30.) New York Jets

Will Hill - S - Florida

Everyone knows that I think every single New York Jet is a clown or complete jackass (believe it or not, I respect, and begrudgingly like Rex Ryan). But if the Jets take Will Hill, they will have stumbled upon an entire new level of jackass clownage. Exhibit A: See the above picture. Exhibit B: read these tweets. This guy would be the go to quote on an organization of loudmouths in the media capital of the world.

31.) Pittsburgh Steelers

Nick Fairley - DT - Auburn

Pittsburgh. A city well known for the colors Black and Yellow, its steel mills, and the dirtiest players in the NFL. Hines Ward. James Harrison. You gotta stay true to your team identity, and even though he's already been taken, you've got to take Albert Haynesworth Nick Fairley. The video above is a microcosm of his career. Stay classy Pittsburgh.

32.) Green Bay Packers


Ronnie Bass - QB

With Brooks Reed, aka Clay Matthews Jr. off the board, the Pack has to resort to a Californian to keep the Viking hair fan club alive. "Sunshine" is a little raw, and needs to grow his mullet out/become a man. But you've got to recognize the potential in a pick with beautiful hair like that.

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