April 28, 2011

The "Mock Drafts are a complete joke" Mock Draft


Making mock drafts might be fun. But let's face it. The odds of anyone correctly picking all 32 of the first round picks is literally and completely impossible. Hell, having 10 picks correct is a total stretch. Yet parrots like Mel Kiper somehow get paid to do this for A LIVING. Not just for a month of the year. THE WHOLE DAMN YEAR. Oh yeah, and ESPN pays another guy (Todd McShay) to do the exact same thing. Only in America.

Back to the point at hand. All mock drafts are a colossal waste of time. For example, the two mock drafts I've already made. So why not "mock" (what a pun, God I'm hilarious) these mock drafts?

Drum roll please...


Introducing the Simple Jack Mock Draft! It's simple. (Damn I am just straight killing it with puns in this blog. A+ effort). And it could be done by the girl who won your college basketball pool by picking teams based off of cool nicknames.

So how is it done? Easy. I took the top 32 overall prospects according to Walter Football.com and put them on pieces of paper. I put them in a hat. And for each of the first 32 picks of the first round, I just pulled out a name.

What's the point then? Simple. To prove that every pundit/idiot in the world can make a mock draft and get lucky. Here is how the Simple Jack draft panned out:

1.) Carolina - Nate Solder - OT - Colorado
2.) Denver - Jimmy Smith - CB - Colorado
3.) Buffalo - Muhammad Wilkerson - DE - Temple
4.) Cincinnati - Cameron Jordan - OLB - California
5.) Arizona - Nick Fairley - DE - Auburn
6.) Cleveland - Gabe Carimi - OT - Wisconsin
7.) San Francisco - Mike Pouncey - G - Florida
8.) Tennessee - Cameron Heyward - DE - Ohio State
9.) Dallas - Kyle Rudolph - TE - Notre Dame
10.) Washington - Marvin Austin - DT - North Carolina
11.) Houston - Cam Newton - QB - Auburn
12.) Minnesota - Anthony Castonzo - OT - Boston College
13.) Detroit - Julio Jones - WR - Alabama
14.) St. Louis - Von Miller - OLB - Texas A&M
15.) Miami - Robert Quinn - OLB - North Carolina
16.) Jacksonville - Da'Quan Bowers - DE - Clemson
17.) New England - Corey Liuget - DT - Illinois
18.) San Diego - Phil Taylor - NT - Baylor
19.) New York Giants - Jake Locker - QB - Washington
20.) Tampa Bay - JJ Watt - DE - Wisconsin
21.) Kansas City - Derek Sherrod - OT - Mississippi State
22.) Indianapolis - Aldon Smith - OLB - Missouri
23.) Philadelphia - Blaine Gabbert - QB - Missouri
24.) New Orleans - Brooks Reed - DE - Arizona
25.) Seattle - Prince Amukamura - CB - Nebraska
26.) Baltimore - AJ Green - WR - Georgia
27.) Atlanta - Aaron Williams - CB/S - Texas
28.) New England - Patrick Peterson - CB - LSU
29.) Chicago - Tyson Smith - OT - USC
30.) New York Jets - Ryan Kerrigan - DE - Purdue
31.) Pittsburgh - Marcell Dareus - DT - Auburn
32.) Green Bay - Mark Ingran - RB - Alabama


We'll see how right I am after the draft.

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